Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
