Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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