youre lurking in front of me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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