You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
