I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
