dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
