dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
