I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
