Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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