Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
