the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
