Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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