so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
