Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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