I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
