doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
