NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
