just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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