"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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