My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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