True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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