i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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