Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
