yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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