you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
