I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize