I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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