dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
