You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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