oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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