Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
