I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
