My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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