if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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