My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
