ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
