Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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