Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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