Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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