I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
