So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize