you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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