WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
