Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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