To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
