this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
