I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize