I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
