btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
