I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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