My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can I color on your dick again?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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