I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
