He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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