Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
