He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
