So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
