Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
