Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
