i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
