Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
