I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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