when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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