20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
