well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
