Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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