dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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