Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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