Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
