So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
