Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
