I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
