i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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